well last week was interesting for me on many fronts, I went swimming with my niece, learnt a new phrase went on a stag do and learnt a bit more about myself.
Now where to start?
My niece who is 16 and has just started studying for her A levels is kind enough to give her old uncle some exercise once a week, normally it's Badminton but last week we went swimming for a change down at Leatherhead, they have some great lockers controlled by individual magnets in a wristband very posh, I managed about 18 lengths when I got cramp and nearly drowned, it's amazing how painful cramp can be and how far 10 yards seems to be when you are clutching your calf and trying to swim at the same time.
Once we finished I headed for the changing room and a shower only to find that the showers are shared and in full view of the pool!
Ok not fatal but still unusual, what swung this trip from a normal event to one worth talking about was the behaviour of 2 parents in the showers.
Now now calm down !
When I went in, a mum and dad were washing the hair of their kids, I guess the children were about 4 or 5, one of the children twitched and got some soap in his eyes, needless to say he started greetin (Scottish for crying) his mum bellowed and I use the word advisedly, you fxxxing xxxxhole !!!
She then went on to explain exactly how useless he and his sister were, what a waste of space their father is and how much she hates them all, all at the top of her lungs and all the while she was scrubbing away at the poor tykes head.
I started thinking about the lessons this little boy was learning and by default the other kids who were being exposed to it.
So what has this kid learnt from his experience?
- He's useless
- So's his sister
- So's his father
- His mother hates him
- His father will allow his mother to abuse him
- It's ok to use abusive behaviour if someone annoys you
- It's ok to abuse those who are weaker than you
- It's ok to shout obscenities at the top of your lungs in public
- It's not ok to show how hurt you are to those you should be able to expect to care for you
I wonder what they are going to grow up like?
In a few years when these poor kids are putting these lessons into effect will we care why?
Saddened by this experience, I read this week about a child who went beserk with a rifle and killed a schoolmate, injured others and finally killed himself, his actions were described as "Going Postal" which phrase came from the USA where stressed postal workers went beserk so often that the phrase stuck.
What is it that this young man found in life that prompted him to act in this way?
When I was going through my "Kevin" years I was undoubtably a very sad young man, sad in all definitions of the word, yet I managed to avoid "Going Postal" was that because I didn't have access to a gun?
Was I happier, wealthier, better looking, better built ;), better anything than my peers?
Err nope.
So why didn't I get a gun and blow away the people I identified as persecuting me?
I dunno but I know my parents never bellowed at me in the showers !
Last week I received some bad news, not earth shatteringly bad news but bad enough to get me thinking about the big questions, why, who, what etc.
I felt pretty bad about it until Saturday night when I was lucky enough to attend a stag do with some of my friends.
My friend Jason has recently got married but it had all happened in such a rush that he'd not had time to have a stag do, so we had it after the event.
The day started at 2:10pm for me when I was stood outside my house waiting for my best friend to pick me up, I was still feeling down about my news but determined to enjoy myself and put it behind me.
2:25 he turned up and we were off, his delightful wife Nikki kindly drove us down to the venue the AMF Bowling Alley in Purley.
We arrived having picked up another friend en-route and met up with the groom and a couple of other friends, 6 in all we got the drinks in and the fun began.
We were bowling away, some better than others when during the second round the next alley became populated with 4 physically disabled and their carers.
I looked at this group with guilt in my heart, how dare I be sad when I have all I do and there are people who have so much less, not a million miles away but right next door !
As they enjoyed their game I found that I was thinking hard about how I was feeling and behaving, I realised that I was being selfish in the extreme, that by wallowing in my self pity I was extending it and hurting those I loved.
That's such an important lesson for me I'm going to repeat it. "By wallowing in my self pity I was extending it and hurting those I loved."
I've vowed to try and stop doing that, so if you see me falling down please feel free to give me a kick in the pants and I'll do the same for you.
John Anslow
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